I want to know...

What inspires you? This is NOT a rhetorical question. The wheels in my mind are turning, and I want to know: what inspires you? So seriously, I'm waiting...

anonymous?

This is driving me crazy....I do not know who the anonymous commenter on my blog is? Care to uncover your mask?

Bruises and Geese

I bruise easily. VERY easily. In fact at this moment I have two nasty spots on my left leg and absolutely no idea where they came from. My Mom recently shared with me that when I was a child she worried about how easily I got hurt without feeling it happen. Other times I know exactly where the bruise comes from: close encounters with the stairs. I'm constantly tripping up and down the stairs.

This isn't rocket science but guess what: bruises are temporary. Hip Hip Hooray! Known or unknown cause a bruise will always heal. Same goes with the bruises life inflicts upon us. Sometimes we feel the blow and remember how it happened. Other times it shows up and we're left with 'where did THIS come from?!' Whatever the situation, just as God created an intricate body capable of renewing itself, he also designed the human soul for healing. But remember, healing implies that one must first feel the pain. Not suppress it, but feel it, and then move forward.

So what's with the geese you might ask? My graduate school campus is in a wooded area thirty minutes north of Chicago. With melting snow and heavy rains we now have good size ponds all over campus. The geese love it. One of my friends actually had to stop on the sidewalk to let them pass last week. My encounter with the geese came this morning as my friend and I were returning to class. We had just reached the top of a large set of stone steps (I made it safely to the top) and there to greet us were five large geese. It took us by surprise but we turned left and continued walking. We only made it a couple of feet before the piercing sound of an angry goose flying inches from our face jolted us backwards!! We laughed so hard!!

Feel the bruises, let them heal, then find yourself some 'geese'.

Hm.

Two things, rather unrelated. I seriously miss writing. I've always found such release in putting my thoughts on paper (or screen as the case may be). But apparently my fears that life would turn busier than ever come January 2007 were on target! It's frustrating just wondering when some free time to write will open up. Perhaps I should search out a free writing club for the summer? There's bound to be one in Chicago. I'd better hurry before the thoughtful writer in me is dried up from the overly stimulating effects of research papers.

In other thoughts, would you be happy with your life if you died today, or tomorrow? What would you leave behind? And what would be waiting for you? These are the questions on my mind the last few days. They've been sobering to say the least. I can't share all the details as I'm still thinking through them myself. Or maybe I'm not ever meant to share them but instead to get you thinking. So here's what I know: I want my life to count. I want my life to be different, unique, and special. Not because I am any of those things, but because my GOD is.

A Few Good Men

The Bible says that David was a man after God's own heart. I wonder what that looked like in real life. What charaterized David's daily life, his routines, his personality? Of others it's been said they were a friend of God. I'm privileged to know a man who fits both those descriptions. And yet, he is likely never to be publicly recognized, much less remembered by historians.

This morning I asked him how he's spending his time now that he is completely retired. His answer? 'With God, he's with me all the time'. I was blown away, not only with the answer, but the expression of relief and contentment on his face as he spoke. As if this were what he'd been waiting for all along. Sure, I talk about being with God in heaven with extreme anticipation to the point that I'm labeled strange. But this man speaks with the same excitement for NOW, here on earth.

I asked him, 'Well, what do you do all day? Do you pray, write, read the Bible?'. What does it look like to be with God all day? He said yes to all of the above and finished with 'He wants to be a part of everything we do'. You'd have to have heard his voice to know he was speaking of his best friend. I began thinking of ways to describe this man's relationship with God. And then I realized I couldn't really. I could perhaps define the relationship or give it characteristics. But the heart of such a deep relationship is just that, it's in the heart, and that cannot be explained. It can only be witnessed with wonder.

I wondered later if he ever felt lonely, or different, in trying to relate the journey of his favorite relationship to those of us Christians who are lagging behind and distracted. It must be frustrating at times.

I am challenged, humbled, hopeful, and reminded of my need when I see this man's life. I want to be a friend of God, a woman after his heart, one who says like Moses did, 'God, show me your face.'

Tired

Sometimes life is so exhausting it makes you want to cry. Well, it happens to me anyway. Especially lately.

That's it. I'm just worn out. And it shows no signs of stopping....

WAIT....I'M STILL HERE!!!

I don't know who the anonymous comment was from but I do apologize for being absent from my blogs for so long. I would really like to rectify that.

It's been a really crazy three months for me. You have no idea. Or if you know me well, maybe you do! I don't have time to share all the details of my life, nor do I really want to. So I'll just cut to the chase and get back to blogging, how's that?

Here are two blogs that I actually posted on my myspace account. But I think they're just perfect for Yutakana Seikatsu. Read on...

1
Those of you who know me well, or can appreciate my twisted sense of humor, MIGHT enjoy this...I think they're hilarious! And yes, I'm studying to become a counselor... :-)

Enjoy the following thoughts:

The first step to failure is trying

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

If at first you don't succeed...don't act surprised.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Remember things are never so bad that they can't get worse.

Think about giving it your all today, then think again.

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem

If you think it can't be done....... you know yourself pretty well huh?

You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take....and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do

If you can't learn to do something well.... Learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

If we don't take care of the customer....maybe they'll stop bugging us.

It's always darkest before it goes pitch black.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Nobody ever went broke by underestimating the intelligence of the American Public.

The death rate remains 100%! Nobody gets out of this lifetime alive.


Hope everyone feels happy now! Just laugh, you know it's funny. And life's hard as it is. We need to laugh at it.

2
'Faith, hope, and love. The greatest of these is love.' I know that's what 1 Corinthians says, but sometimes hope is what gets you through when love and faith seem absent.

Expecting the impossible. Hoping against hope. Rejoicing when there is no logical reason to. Getting up when life knocks you down. Seeing the silver lining.

I must be crazy to have hope, but I do. Life overwhelms me sometimes, like now, but I refuse to give in. And I know it isn't of my own strength. I serve and love a God who loves me and is faithful like no other. He doesn't have to, but he has proven himself and I know he's with me. My hope is in him and from him.

Tomorrow is another day, a good day. And I have the choice to hope, to love, to have faith. There's more to this life than what I think I know. So I will hope in the One who does know.

Music

There are some artists whose music hits home with me, not because of the music itself, but because of the lyrics. Here are two of them.

BELIEVE ME NOW~~

"I watch you looking out
Across the raging water
So sure your only hope
Lies on the other side
You hear the enemy
That's closing in around you
And I know
That you don't have the strength to fight
But do you have the faith to stand and

Believe me now
Believe me here
Remember all the times I told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe me now
Believe me now

I am the one who waved my hand
And split the ocean
I am the One
Who spoke the words and raised the dead
And I've loved you long before
I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you're feeling now
But do you remember who I am?

Believe it's true
I never have I never will abandon you
And the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe me now

I am God
Who never wastes a single hurt
That you endure
My words are true
And all My promises are sure
So believe me now"

MUCH OF YOU~~

"How could I stand here
And watch the sun rise
Follow the mountains
Where they touch the sky
Ponder the vastness
And the depths of the sea
And think for a moment
The point of it all was to make much of me
Cause I'm just a whisper
And You are the thunder and

I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

And how can I kneel here
And think of the cross
The thorns and the whip and the nails and the spear
The infinite cost
To purchase my pardon
And bear all my shame
To think I have anything worth boasting in except for Your name
Cause I am a sinner
And You are the Savior

This is Your love, oh God
Not to make much of me
But to send Your own son
So that we could make much of You
For all eternity"

Makes me think more than twice about how I'm spending the days I'm given.

I'm still here

Hi everyone, I really am still alive and planning on using this blog. I actually got talked in to getting a myspace page a couple months back and have been on there more frequently. But I still want to use this blog!

I'm back in Chicago and glad to be here every day. I've jumped back into working at my church in various ways and am also working part-time at Starbucks (again). The biggest and most exciting news for me is that I will be starting graduate school in January 2007. I will be working on a Master's degree in Counseling Psychology at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, about 30 minutes north of Chicago. It's time and I'm ready. :-)

I hope things are well in your corner of the world today, and if they aren't, remember you are never alone.

Short-lived job

for the first time in my life i've quit a job after two days. i should feel bad i suppose (and i sort of do when i start to think about money again), but i can't feel bad about this one. things felt a little off since i started there on wednesday, i just couldn't put my finger on it. for one thing, my job pretty much ran the office and that's a lot more than was explained to me in the interview. secondly, today was my third day and not a word had been mentioned to me about medical benefits, vacation, 401k, or filling out W2 forms, etc. thirdly, i found out that over 50% percent of the company's employees have left in the last three years because of the way they were treated by the boss. this morning topped it off and helped me reach my decision to leave. my boss publicly yelled at another employee, and that was my limit. i've got enough experience to see into the future with that one!

so i'm back in the saddle again (not the dating saddle, i still haven't left that one). back on a job hunt. :-( but....thankful i got out of a bad situation early on and that i don't have rent to pay!


hope things are bright in your corner of the world!

Thought

The other day I greeted someone I hadn't seen in a long time with "hey, how's life treatin' ya these days?". As soon as the words spilled off my tongue my mind started asking why we say things that way. Why don't we say 'so, how are you treatin' life these days?'. I know it's force of habit and a desire to be polite, but that doesn't mean we have to use it, does it? Is the way life treats me more important than how I choose to treat it?

Unconscious society

I'm not in the habit of quoting celebrities in a positive way, but this bears repeating. "Americans live like we're unconscious."

Think about it if you need to. I'm afraid this statement hits the mark, and it hits deep. We are an over-entertained, self-gratifying, selfish, lazy, bored society that has been brain-washed into believing that the surface is all that matters, or worse yet, that if it doesn't involve our own immediate comfort it's not worth our time and energy. My own guilt in this sickens me. Am I the only one? Surely not. I know we are not the only nation in the world with such issues, but we've been the leaders. The United States of America: 'one nation, under idols, divided, with slavery and heartache for all.'

Is that too harsh? Too bad.

Sad day

Well, the 2006 FIFA World Cup is over. For those of you who missed the event, Italy took what was, in my opinion, a pathetic win. Granted, Zidane's behavior in the last over-time was worse than low, but I didn't think Italy fought very well. I'm sure everyone disagrees with me though. And that's ok, cause life doesn't revolve around soccer (although it's an awesome sport).

On a more serious note, I've been thinking about heavy matters lately. Stewardship of time and money and talents; what it means to live in community; the despair of poverty in many places around the globe; and the disgusting wealth of the others. Yeah, a great deal to consider. I won't share my thoughts right now, if ever, but why don't you think about one of those too? It might do you some good, which could be good for those around you.

We all need to have our worldviews shaken up from time to time.

A free trip to France?!

Wow! I am flying to France tomorrow for a week...for free!! It's a really long story, but a summer missions team of teenagers going to France tomorrow had an extra ticket. They are going for two weeks, but I am splitting from them and staying one week instead. Not only is the ticket free, but an anonymous person (who I assume knows me well) gave me $150 to pay for changing the return flight!!! Yes, I cried.

I think I'm still in shock, since the decision was only made yesterday and I leave tomorrow. I'm counting my blessings and thinking of how undeserving I am of such a privilege. God is good, and fun. :-)

Hm?

I don't know how to change the date on my previous blog, but I actually just wrote that today...May 8, 2006. I'm a little behind!

Oh, I was reminded by my friend Brian Atwood that I never explained why I like umbrellas so much. Well, I'm not actually sure. They are just adorable to me in all shapes and sizes and colors. :-)

Livin' in America

I've been getting emails from people saying 'Where are you? Did you make it back yet?'. My sincerest apologies for being MIA, although I'm sure everyone understands why. :-( Yes, I made it back to the States safely.

It's been surprisingly busy since then. Two days after I got here my friend, Mika (from Hokkaido) arrived and I was hanging out with her and my friend, Joni. We had a nice Japan reunion. Then a day or so later five other ladies from Hokkaido, including missionary Debbie Griffin, arrived for a week and we spent time with them. In between all the fun of running around Nashville I also had several doctors appointments and went to Georgia for a day (we spent more time in the car than anything else!). After my Japanese friends left I had one week before starting my part-time job at our International Missions home offices. I used that week to buy a car that I absolutely love. It was kind of scary, but it was the right move. Then I made a spontaneous trip to Huntsville, AL with my cousin and friend to rescue a cute little dog from a madwoman. Good times :-) Then I started working three days a week and also found out that I have rheumatoid arthritis. Oh, and most recently we had a wedding shower for my cousin, Heather, who is getting married June 2. I think that covers the big stuff, except for the hours I've spent looking at and applying for jobs in Chicago and graduate school applications and research. I'm tired.

I can't believe I left Japan almost a month ago. It's the strangest feeling in the world and I think I'll just not talk about it right now. To my friends in Japan, I love you and miss you. This transition for me is a lot about learning to be content in all circumstances I suppose. I've seen God provide many times already. He knows what I need, and don't need.

I hope I haven't lost too many of my readers from being absent this past month. If you've left...come back! But if you've left, you'll never know I wrote this, will you?

Serenity Prayer

I've heard about the Serenity prayer for years, but I've only heard one part of it. Here's the prayer in its entirety, maybe it will encourage you as it did me.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next."


If I had written it though, I wouldn't have used 'reasonably' happy. I think God wants more than reasonable happiness for us in this life. Either way, these are words of perseverance, faith, and hope in the love and plans of a Holy God.


Thought for the week:
きみは愛されるため生まれた....You were born to be loved.

Hokkaido, one last time

For those who may not know, my first year in Japan I lived in the northern island of Hokkaido. So this past Wednesday I flew up here to spend some time with my friends and say good-bye. I even get to go snowboarding on Monday!! A few months ago the church I used to attend started having monthly worship events at the local community center. I am thrilled to be here for this month's event, I'll try to have some pictures for you guys later.

That said, I may not have many blog entries until I return to Tokyo, at which time I hope to have several more pictures and stories to share.

Have a fabulous weekend! And as my friend, Chris Wright, always tells me...remember to have fun!!!

Pictures, pictures!

This was my last week of teaching English here in Japan. Teaching is not necessarily my favorite thing anymore, but I have absolutely loved being with my students! We've had lots of fun times! This week was full of good-bye parties and good-byes (which I won't talk about), and some other fun stuff. Enjoy....I know I did :-)


Monday: Yumi San (back right) and Yumie San (front right) have been wonderful. We had a final lunch at my favorite Indian restaurant in the neighborhood. Yumie is not a Christian, but I have been privileged to see the Holy Spirit working in her heart. I've been amazed at how many times over the last year God has given me opportunity after opportunity to simply give testimonies of what He's meant to me in a particular week. She mentioned a few weeks ago that she wanted to start reading the Bible daily. On Monday she explained that if the Bible was so important and made such a difference in my life, then it must be important for her too. Wow! It was all I could do to hold back my tears. I was floored at what God was allowing me to be a part of. With all of my flaws, mistakes, and ugly sins...God STILL chooses to use me? "Sing to the Lord, for he has done wonderful things. Make known his praise around the world." ~Psalm 98:1~



Mizuki and Natsumi. My two favorite kids to teach! Oh yeah, that's Shirley next to me! She's my replacement. If she were not here, I don't know if I'd have the same peace about leaving.



This is my Canadian friend, Kara. I just met her in November, but we hit it off and I have been so grateful for her friendship these last few months. She and her husband will be here until June. We love Starbucks!



Here's a unique man, Nakamura San. He's a character. Please pray for him as he continues a friendship with Donnie McDonald.



I only a few more times with my Starbucks ladies :-( (Interesting sidenote: the only time I've actually been at SBUX with them was when I met them! But somehow the nickname just stuck) Anyway, I've prayed for a few months now about 'transferring' my friendship with them on to Shirley. Of course I hope to continue from the States as well, but it's not the same. A few weeks ago they were really nervous about meeting someone new, but God answered my prayers and we couldn't have asked for a better time. Shirley liked them and they all liked her!



Left: Shimotomai San, a very sweet Christian lady. She's a great addition to this English class. Right: Nobu San, who from one day to the next can be open and inquisitive about the Gospel, or against it.



I don't know where I'm looking, but they all look great! The lady on the floor to my left (your right) is Etsuko San, she is one of the leaders of the Good News church and helps teach the Bible section of our English classes.
Top: Shimotomai San, Nobu San, Yamakawa San, and Nemoto San
Bottom: Nozomi San, me, and Etsuko San


Well, that's all folks! I'll be back later with more...there's always more.

Rabbits

Not exactly real rabbits, although we didn't get my rabbit imitation on camera (good thing for you AND me!). But aren't we cute? This is Caroline McDonald, five years old and youngest daughter of my teammates Ruth and Donnie (their name is also McDonald...haha). She is hysterically funny!

Have a great week everyone :-)