Feelings...talkin' 'bout feelings

Psalm 33:13-15 says, 'The Lord looks down from heaven and sees the whole human race. From his throne he observes all who live on the earth. He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do.'

Psalm 34: 4-5 makes it clear that God frees of us from all our fears, and that 'no shadow of shame' will darken the faces of those who look to him.

Psalm 37: 7 tells us to 'be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.'

These verses have been like running commentaries in my mind the last couple of weeks. Through personal experience these verses have taken up residence in my heart, so I just thought I'd share what I've learned from them.

Number 1: God understands our emotions because he made them. It's easy to miss the importance of such truth in a world where, as Christians, we are often admonished against certain feelings. We call them 'negative'. But if God understands the wiring of our hearts, doesn't he also understand why we short-circuit or blow fuses from time to time? Isn't this for a reason? If I'm having problems with my car do I stare at it, scold it, and continue driving it as is? Of course not, I take it to a trustworthy mechanic who understands its in's and out's and is capable of restoring it. Why then do I so often reprimand myself for my emotions and try to push them aside? Emotions are human, I don't care who you are, they are universal. And if I will only be brave enough to feel them, face them, and take them to the One who created me, he promises to fix me. Like the mechanic, I don't know how long it will take....but he WILL fix it.

Number 2: Healing takes patience and pain. (The suffering of Christ is a great example) Denial of our emotions is often accompanied by a quick-fix mentality. 'God, this hurts, please take it away now,' or 'God, I understand what the problem is and why it hurts, so can we skip to the next lesson now?'. I've come to believe that a great part of being patient for the Lord to act in regards to our emotions means soaking them in. Do you feel pain, joy, sadness, exhaustion? Then let them be what they are. Certainly it may not be fun, but patience brings great reward.

Number 3: These things we call emotions, affects, feelings...whether good or bad...they are always temporary. What a relief!

I want to know...

What inspires you? This is NOT a rhetorical question. The wheels in my mind are turning, and I want to know: what inspires you? So seriously, I'm waiting...

anonymous?

This is driving me crazy....I do not know who the anonymous commenter on my blog is? Care to uncover your mask?

Bruises and Geese

I bruise easily. VERY easily. In fact at this moment I have two nasty spots on my left leg and absolutely no idea where they came from. My Mom recently shared with me that when I was a child she worried about how easily I got hurt without feeling it happen. Other times I know exactly where the bruise comes from: close encounters with the stairs. I'm constantly tripping up and down the stairs.

This isn't rocket science but guess what: bruises are temporary. Hip Hip Hooray! Known or unknown cause a bruise will always heal. Same goes with the bruises life inflicts upon us. Sometimes we feel the blow and remember how it happened. Other times it shows up and we're left with 'where did THIS come from?!' Whatever the situation, just as God created an intricate body capable of renewing itself, he also designed the human soul for healing. But remember, healing implies that one must first feel the pain. Not suppress it, but feel it, and then move forward.

So what's with the geese you might ask? My graduate school campus is in a wooded area thirty minutes north of Chicago. With melting snow and heavy rains we now have good size ponds all over campus. The geese love it. One of my friends actually had to stop on the sidewalk to let them pass last week. My encounter with the geese came this morning as my friend and I were returning to class. We had just reached the top of a large set of stone steps (I made it safely to the top) and there to greet us were five large geese. It took us by surprise but we turned left and continued walking. We only made it a couple of feet before the piercing sound of an angry goose flying inches from our face jolted us backwards!! We laughed so hard!!

Feel the bruises, let them heal, then find yourself some 'geese'.

Hm.

Two things, rather unrelated. I seriously miss writing. I've always found such release in putting my thoughts on paper (or screen as the case may be). But apparently my fears that life would turn busier than ever come January 2007 were on target! It's frustrating just wondering when some free time to write will open up. Perhaps I should search out a free writing club for the summer? There's bound to be one in Chicago. I'd better hurry before the thoughtful writer in me is dried up from the overly stimulating effects of research papers.

In other thoughts, would you be happy with your life if you died today, or tomorrow? What would you leave behind? And what would be waiting for you? These are the questions on my mind the last few days. They've been sobering to say the least. I can't share all the details as I'm still thinking through them myself. Or maybe I'm not ever meant to share them but instead to get you thinking. So here's what I know: I want my life to count. I want my life to be different, unique, and special. Not because I am any of those things, but because my GOD is.

A Few Good Men

The Bible says that David was a man after God's own heart. I wonder what that looked like in real life. What charaterized David's daily life, his routines, his personality? Of others it's been said they were a friend of God. I'm privileged to know a man who fits both those descriptions. And yet, he is likely never to be publicly recognized, much less remembered by historians.

This morning I asked him how he's spending his time now that he is completely retired. His answer? 'With God, he's with me all the time'. I was blown away, not only with the answer, but the expression of relief and contentment on his face as he spoke. As if this were what he'd been waiting for all along. Sure, I talk about being with God in heaven with extreme anticipation to the point that I'm labeled strange. But this man speaks with the same excitement for NOW, here on earth.

I asked him, 'Well, what do you do all day? Do you pray, write, read the Bible?'. What does it look like to be with God all day? He said yes to all of the above and finished with 'He wants to be a part of everything we do'. You'd have to have heard his voice to know he was speaking of his best friend. I began thinking of ways to describe this man's relationship with God. And then I realized I couldn't really. I could perhaps define the relationship or give it characteristics. But the heart of such a deep relationship is just that, it's in the heart, and that cannot be explained. It can only be witnessed with wonder.

I wondered later if he ever felt lonely, or different, in trying to relate the journey of his favorite relationship to those of us Christians who are lagging behind and distracted. It must be frustrating at times.

I am challenged, humbled, hopeful, and reminded of my need when I see this man's life. I want to be a friend of God, a woman after his heart, one who says like Moses did, 'God, show me your face.'

Tired

Sometimes life is so exhausting it makes you want to cry. Well, it happens to me anyway. Especially lately.

That's it. I'm just worn out. And it shows no signs of stopping....

WAIT....I'M STILL HERE!!!

I don't know who the anonymous comment was from but I do apologize for being absent from my blogs for so long. I would really like to rectify that.

It's been a really crazy three months for me. You have no idea. Or if you know me well, maybe you do! I don't have time to share all the details of my life, nor do I really want to. So I'll just cut to the chase and get back to blogging, how's that?

Here are two blogs that I actually posted on my myspace account. But I think they're just perfect for Yutakana Seikatsu. Read on...

1
Those of you who know me well, or can appreciate my twisted sense of humor, MIGHT enjoy this...I think they're hilarious! And yes, I'm studying to become a counselor... :-)

Enjoy the following thoughts:

The first step to failure is trying

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

If at first you don't succeed...don't act surprised.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Remember things are never so bad that they can't get worse.

Think about giving it your all today, then think again.

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem

If you think it can't be done....... you know yourself pretty well huh?

You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take....and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do

If you can't learn to do something well.... Learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

If we don't take care of the customer....maybe they'll stop bugging us.

It's always darkest before it goes pitch black.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Nobody ever went broke by underestimating the intelligence of the American Public.

The death rate remains 100%! Nobody gets out of this lifetime alive.


Hope everyone feels happy now! Just laugh, you know it's funny. And life's hard as it is. We need to laugh at it.

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'Faith, hope, and love. The greatest of these is love.' I know that's what 1 Corinthians says, but sometimes hope is what gets you through when love and faith seem absent.

Expecting the impossible. Hoping against hope. Rejoicing when there is no logical reason to. Getting up when life knocks you down. Seeing the silver lining.

I must be crazy to have hope, but I do. Life overwhelms me sometimes, like now, but I refuse to give in. And I know it isn't of my own strength. I serve and love a God who loves me and is faithful like no other. He doesn't have to, but he has proven himself and I know he's with me. My hope is in him and from him.

Tomorrow is another day, a good day. And I have the choice to hope, to love, to have faith. There's more to this life than what I think I know. So I will hope in the One who does know.